


Japanese Candy

by schillingklaus



Category: Bucket & Skinner's Epic Adventures, Drake & Josh, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide, True Jackson: VP, Unfabulous (TV), Victorious, Zoey 101, iCarly
Genre: AU/Canon Divergence, Exposition, Footnotes, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Multiple Crossovers, Non-Graphic Violence, Other, POV Third Person Omniscient, Postmodernism, Purple Prose, Rants, Symbolism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2015-09-30
Packaged: 2018-04-24 04:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4905811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schillingklaus/pseuds/schillingklaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drake and Josh learn that Megan is still stuck in an abusive relationship with Corey, and so they need to intervene.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Japanese Candy

##  Japanese Candy

###  Klaus Schilling

  


**Rating**

The story is rated “PG-13”.

  


**Third-party References**

This story is based on third-party works owned by Nickelodeon Networks: _Drake & Josh_, _Unfabulous_ , _Zoey 101_ , _Bucket And Skinner's Epic Adventures_ , _Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide_ , _Victorious_ , _The iCarly Show_ , _True Jackson VP_ , and alludes to works of other parties specified when encountered.

Summary

Drake and Joshua realise that Megan is subject to abuse or bullying; aided by friends of Megan and their own, they research the background and stage an intervention.

  


* * *

* * *

Table of Contents

  * 1: Megan Appears Strange
  * 2: Collecting Hints In The Theatre
    * 2:1: Drake And Joshua Cooperate With Some Friends Of Megan
    * 2:2: Joshua Finds The TechMate
    * 2:3: Ashley Blake Intervenes
  * 3: The Campaign Against Corey Matthews
    * 3:1: In The Martial Camp
    * 3:2: The Salvaged Messages
    * 3:3: The Insane Contest
    * 3:4: The Confrontation With Corey
  * 4: Conclusion



### Acknowledgement

The topic was prompted by Fanfiction-Net user ConverseQueen11.

Common online resources, esp. relevant _Wikipedia_ articles and _International MovieDataBase_ ) have been used in certain detailed references to originals.

### Prerequisites

Knowledge of the canon of _Drake & Josh_ is quite useful (although not paramount), that of the other Nickelodeon shows is occasionally useful.

Information supplied by IMDB and Wikipedia is usually enough to cover a gap in canon knowledge.

### Note

This story serves a deconstruction/fixing of the canon of the original, exclusively based on my conspiracy theories concerning concerning what is said between the lines.

Ergo, it is not suited for readers comfortable with the orthodox comprehension of the canon.

##  1. Megan Appears Strange

Several weeks ago, Megan Parker, little sister of Drake Parker and stepsister of Joshua Nichols, had terminated a tedious relationship with bad boy Corey Matthews.[1]

Drake and Josh were still trying to forget the incident, which was not easy due to the fact that the two of them had been beaten up badly by Corey, and only saved from obliteration by an extreme intervention of Helen Ophelia Dubois,[2] – the owner of the cinema which had hosted the bloody encounter – and her psychopathic henchman Steve van der Rohe.[3] Although Corey was banned from the cinema hall, the pains of being mangled by a smaller boy still stayed deep inside Drake. 

Joshua, on the other hand, saw himself confirmed in the assumption of being unsuited for the practice of martial arts. Already three years earlier, he had tried in vain to take classes to prepare for a brute showdown with a rude bully; [4] as a consequence, he knew that he would never be able to face a bully boy, even one of a size much inferior to his own.

Both boys had ever since often talked about taking classes in martial arts, but always abandoned the thought of doing so; which is the consequence of the fact that they had been banned from all martial schools of the county of San Diego after having thoroughly upset the leading martial coach of San Diego County.[5] Consequently, Drake and Joshua lacked the skills and the courage to stand up to bullies, even those menacing Megan; which hurt them a lot, because they still felt some kind of responsibility for her; and the self-confidence of Drake had not received an improvement when he had been knocked out by a stray fist of his high-functioning autistic comrade Eric Blonowitz.[6]

Those weeks, Audrey Parker and Walter Nichols,[7] the inept parents of Drake and Joshua, participated in the annual bootcamp for weather reporters in the state of Kansas; as a consequence, Drake and Joshua were now alone in charge of the residence of the family. These events coincided with the start of their summer vacations.

For Josh, it was the last summer before entering college; more precisely, he had been chosen for Northridge College[8] in Los Angeles. He had hoped in vain for a better institution for his post-secondary studies, but failed miserably in a variety of special programmes, such as the student teaching project[9] or the Creative Writing Project;[10] as a consequence, his college folder did not look as brilliant as it should have been; for which he accused his former on-and-off girlfriend Melinda Crenshaw,[11] alias (according to Drake) “The Creature”; more precisely, he had always felt coerced into activities and actions beyond his ability – just in order to be able to prove himself worthy in her eyes.

Drake, on the other hand, quit high-school to become a professional rock musician; by this decision, he clearly upset his oppressive and paranoid mother beyond any reason; but this was none of his business; rather, he had already made plans for a relocation to Los Angeles, where he would work in the production of the sound tracks of fabulous films; even more, he already saw himself reaping an Oscar for performing the best sound track.

Such was the situation of Drake and Joshua; therefore, the two of them tried to enjoy their last common vacations as much as possible, without being bothered too much by Megan; and, indeed, it was a bit silent – too silent; which, in turn, alerted the boys. More precisely, their young kinswoman was hardly visible to them and disappeared regularly without warning. Whenever asked, she replied with cheap and specious excuses; which would not have bothered Drake and Joshua, until the latter found traces of blood in her laundry and alerted the former; but Drake believed that the blood was but the result of the menstruation of his little sister – a topic he was too disgusted to even think about discussing; whereupon Joshua remarked that he knew that those bleedings do not regularly stain tanktops, but other clothes of the affected young women. Drake was still about to vomit because of this gory discovery, but he was finally convinced by the argumentation offered by his stepbrother.

In addition, there had been the possibility that Megan could, upon the return of Audrey and Walter, accuse her kinsmen of having beaten and scratched her brutally; and for that reason, they sensed the need to explore, without hesitation, the reasons of the obvious injuries of Megan.

Simply asking the little cunning vixen did, as expected, not get them any satisfactory answer. Megan just replied that it was not their business.

##  2. Collecting Hints In The Theatre

###  2:1. Drake And Joshua Cooperate With Some Friends Of Megan

After having tried in vain to ask Megan directly, Drake and Josh went to their favourite place to waste their sparetime: The cinematographic theatre of Miss Baxter, where Joshua also happened to earn money for college; and, while there, he and his stepbrother tried to run into a few friends of Megan; he hoped to be thus able to obtain some information concerning the recent demeanour of Megan, along with a potential explanation for the injuries.

Their first encounter was Robert Carmichael,[12], their neighbourhood boy who spend most of his time on the campus of Pacific Coast Academy (short “PCA”),[13] a luxury boarding school down by the romantic beach of Malibu – a place where Drake had once given one of his first public performances, and where he was still outrageously popular.[14] Robert asked Drake and Joshua about Megan, trevealing that she had promised to give him some of her former toys; that PCA junior Stacey Dillsen,[15] would soon rebuild a treehouse in his behalf; and that the old toys would serve him to outfit his floating log cabin.

Drake had to disappoint Robert by mentioning the recent demeanour of Megan; whereupon Joshua also revealed that he believed that Megan got hurt and bullied, but that she kept it secret; Robert was, thereupon, ready to help Drake and Joshua with their pending research.

Helen was upset because Joshua was too late for his nightshift – although it was his off-duty day, and her assistant Gavin Mitchell[16] was ready to do the dirty errands for his boss. Thereafter, the mistress of the cinema announced proudly the impending return of Ashley Blake,[17] a celebrated Hollywood starlet, to their theatre. These news meant severe consternation for Drake and Joshua, as her first appearance had triggered a lot of dismay and trouble for them; on the other hand, they knew that Megan and Ashley had been clsoe friends ever since, and that the young diva would – or so they expected – be equally interested in finding the culprit for Megan's deep bloody wounds; therefore, they would torture themselves into talking to the superstarlet.

Next, the two young men stumbled into Addison Singer[18] a high-school girl from the northeaster regions who spent, as habitual, part of her vacation with her cousin Melissa Lavender Groopy;[19] and both girls scared, especially when together, Drake and Joshua to no end. Melissa Lavender was known for her obsessive feelings for Drake, while Addison was feared for having assisted Megan when she had pulled some pranks on Joshua. As a consequence, the guys were not looking forward to encountering them, although they could use any information those friends of Megan had to offer.

But it was too late, and Melissa Lavender leapt forward in order to pull Drake into an obnoxious kiss, but she was held back by her cousin. Addison asked the boys about Megan – with whom they were, as they admitted, appointed for the next days.

Joshua could only answer the same way he had to Robert. Indeed, Melissa and Robert studied together at aforementioned PCA, whither the obnoxious fangirl of Drake had been sent by her worried mother in order to remove her from him – but, as we see, this operation had been epically fruitless.

As in the case of Robert, it was not hard to get the girls to cooperate. They reported that Megan had interrupted, without warning, their regular correspondence about three weeks ago – which happened to coincide with the point in time whereafter Drake and Josh had ceased being able to talk to Megan in a reasonable manner; but the girls had believed ever since in the exiestence of technical problems affecting the mobile telephone or the portable computer of Megan, products of Pear Electronics, a very dubious vendor. Alas, most people, including Drake, Joshua, Addison, and Melissa Lavender, hitherto trusted them blindly, although they were about to suffer severely from the consequences of digital enslavement; which is a consequence of the fact that most people are willing to sacrifice freedom for safety – and thus deserve neither.

Addison showed Joshua the recent messages which she had exchanged with his little stepsister, and those confirmed the fact that something bad had been going on ever since.

Bypassing Eric Blonowitz, an expert for electronics, mentioned casually that it is possible to locate most mobile devices remotely by means of Geographic Information System. Drake and Joshua expressed that they feared that attempting to do so would make their own devices explode, or emit toxic gases – or at least they deemed Megan capable of such, based on their past experience; but they also assumed that Megan, if capable of implementing that sort of trap, would have made it affect only her foolish kinsmen – not some of her best friends, such as Addison and Melissa; thereupon, Eric showed Addison how to use the aforementioned method in order to find the coordinates of the mobile device of the little cunning vixen.

###  2:2. Joshua Finds The TechMate

Following the instruction received from the hands of Eric, the two stepbrothers followed some accoustic signal across the city; thereby, they kept on running carelessly into parked automobiles, lampposts, and elderly ladies limping across their way; which hurt especially Joshua, who twitched permanently while holding the Pear Phone of Miss Singer. Drake declared that the only thing of importance was that they would finally find Megan and see what she was hiding from them, especially the reason for her bad injuries; and, finally, the accoustic GIS signal turned stronger and stronger.

Drake and Joshua still refused to watch their way when they knew, due to the strong signal, that they were approaching the very source of the same; in this instant, Joshua slammed into a huge refuse bin, tilted it, and got himself thereby covered with all kinds of trash. Drake tried to save his stepbrother, but got pulled into the same heap of rubbish. Alas, there was no such thing as Megan. While fighting their way across the smelly waste, they discovered a modern telecommunication device – doubtlessly that of their kinswoman; and after recovering from the penetrant odor and the impact with the brazen container, they realised that they were standing in front of their very own residence, that they had tilted their own trash bin, and that they were now obliged to erect the container and replenish it with all the scattered refuse.

The mobile telecommunication device of Miss Parker was a so-called TechMate,[20] , a very versatile apparatus which was distributed by Pear Electronics and fiercely coveted by young people of the whole nation. Drake and Joshua duly envied their little sister, although the two of them were still disappointed because they had only found the location of the device, but not that of Megan.

Then Drake thought about going through the messages left on her device in order to find out more about the recent misdemeanour of the vixen; alas, he agreed with Josh that it was too dangerous, as Megan had surely secured the access to the device, using weird passords at least, or – even more likely – fingerprint-sensitive traps triggering an explosion or the development of obnoxious gases; as a consequence, they did not really dare to touch the apparatus, whence they wrapped it into shreds of some old newspaper found in the trash container; instead, they envisioned rendering the device unto Addison and Melissa Lavender and let them do the dirty work, given that Megan was unlikely to install a trap against two of her best friends.

Before walking away for the purpose of taking a shower, they wondered why the fashionable and – according to their own assumption – not unexpensive device had made it into the waste container. Drake surmised that Megan had disposed of it about three weeks ago bause it had been broken; which, as he reasoned, had been the cause for the sudden interruption of her contacts with Melissa and Addison; if true, an examination of the contents of the message box would not have been as usueful as they thought. On the other hand, Joshua remarked that the rubbish containers were scheduled to be emptied on a hebdomadary base; which implied that the device would have disappeared already.

Anyways, Drake and Joshua wondered why the TechMate was still capable of sending signals for the GIS, although it appeared broken or – at least – deactivated. Truly, if you turn off the power of a mobile telephone, it may just pretend to be deactivated, but it can still send those signals; which is very deceptive as it makes users believe that they are somewhat safe from being located via GIS as long as their device is out of service. Not able to comprehend all that, Drake and Joshua decided to consult Eric Blonowitz, whom they deemed experienced enough to deal with the technicalities, maybe evan capable of performing a restauration of the lost messages.

And so the boys would revisit the cinema in order to return unto Addison what was hers, and in order to get her to look up the messages. Alas, the device had been partly damaged, and the message box was password protected; and so even Addison would be unable to read the messages. Eric would, even upon closer examination, not find a way to access the mailbox, but he knew the inventor of the device and was willing to contact him.

The TechMate was an invention of Wayne Gilbert,[21] a student of PCA who earned his scholarship as an intern of Pear Electronics.

###  2:3. Ashley Blake Intervenes

Finally, the little Hollywood diva returned to the cinema of Miss Dubois for the celebration of the première performance of yet another motion picture production.

Helen admonished Drake and Joshua, who truly feared the young Hollywood star, to behave appropriately; especially Joshua was forced again to clean the hall and to take care of the personal needs of Miss Blake. And, even if the voice of the manager of the theater had not been enough of a thread, the awkward young man was additionally intimidated by the thought of the “wardrobe” that served as her bodyguard.

And Ashley was no longer protected by the same guard as during her previous visit, but by one Vincent Blake, who happened to be also one of her elder brothers.[22] And this was even more of a menace for Joshua, as said Vincent had been the captain of a football team that had been defeated by that of the school of Drake and Joshua while the latter served them as an equipment manager,[23] and he appeared to remember it. Ashley explicitly introduced Vincent as her protective elder brother, and the latter made it clear that Joshua and Drake would not get away again with treating the little diva like refuse and stuff her in to a some bin, as they had done the last time around. Even more, the bully quarterback seized Joshua and set up some painful vibration in his body, until he was told by Ashley to release the nerd who, in her words, was “just a harmless idiot and not worthy of that much attention”.

Whatever – after the recent collision with their own refuse container, Drake and Joshua were devoid of any desire and intention of inserting anyone again into such a place of confinement.

Bystanding Steve, with the support of Helen, remarked starcastically that some brothers were actually able to protect their little sisters; whereupon Drake and Josh almost lost their mind; but they finally talked to Ashley about the situation of Megan.

Ashley confirmed that she had not heard from Megan in several weeks, and that the vixen was probably avoiding Drake and Joshua because their garment consisted of rubbish – which it did after hitting the refuse container. Helen wanted to send Drake and Joshua away to redress properly; but, in the last moment, Ashley noticed some paper stuck to the garment of Joshua which could be identified as the wrapper of a package of Japanese candy that was usually sold by one _Kazu_ [24] at the sushi bar of PCA, where she studied as well; subsequently, she asked the boys about the provenience of the scrap, which, as the boys admitteded, came from their own refuse bin. The straightforward assumption was now that Megan had stuffed it thither.

Joshua remembered that Megan had once been supplied with Japanese candy by her former “boyfriend” Corey, and he reported this fact back to the young diva. Said candy – and this was not hard to figure by means of some web research to be conducted by Eric Blonowitz and Joshua Nichols – was only sold by one company that traded with supplies for sushi bars such as Sushi Rox at PCA. A closer in spection of the scrap reveiled that it contained an inscription mentioning Kazu and PCA explicitly; and this was one of the very few places in America where that kind of candy was sold.

The aforementioned hint triggered, for the first time, an assumption that Megan continued seeing Corey – at least as a source for exotic candy; consequently, Drake and Joshua felt even more intimidation and disturbance, given that the last encounter of the two boys with the unpleasant fellow had been excessively painful.

Ashley remarked that, should Drake and Joshua really desire to acquire the ability of protecting themselves from such a person, they needed to attend classes in self defense; in saying so, she admitted to having always failed miserably in advanced gymn classes, but she recommended that someone really interested in an advancement on the path of the martial arts should participate in the courses of her gym teacher, Coach Keller, whose son Kenneth was the regional champian in Chinese martial arts.[25] Of course, Keller was not teaching gym classes at PCA during the summer vacations; but, as Vincent knew, he conducted a summer camp for martial arts, somewhere in the Park of Yosemite.

A few telephone calls later, Drake and Joshua would be informed about some free spots in said encampment, sign up without any trace of hesitation, and put Steve and Eric in charge of the family residence for the period of their absence.

##  3. The Campaign Against Corey Matthews

###  3:1. In The Martial Camp

The weeks out in Yosemite, or – as Drake would say years later – “Joshemity”, certainly constituted the toughest time in the life of both Drake and Joshua.

The encampment was located somewhere out in the forests, and it was sort of basic; as a consequence, former scout Joshua felt much more at home than his stepbrother;[26] but, on the other hand, Joshua suffered much more from the gym exercises than the teenage rock idol.

As expected, the coach was not really of a pleasant nature, but rather annoying. For example, he sent the boys often to the next village in order to retrieve some sushi for him – and this meant several km across the hills. This tortured Drake and Josh more than anything else, as they had once been forced to work in a sushi factory in order to pay some bill.[27] What annoyed them most was the way how the coach pronounced the word “sushi”.

During the camp, Joshua and Drake swore several times to make Ashley Blake pay dearly for their recommendation – too bad they would have needed grow as strong as Vincent first, lest they would have been mangled to death by the gorilla; but – by the end of the camp – Drake and Joshua would grow “iron likle a lion in Zion”.[28]

Just before their impending departure from Yosemite, Drake and Joshua had visited the sushi vendor again, where they discovered no other than aforementioned Melinda Crenshaw. Drake insisted in staying silent, as he did not want to experience more trouble with the “creature”.

Following the conversation of the female scientific genius and the sushi vendor, the family of the former controlled the whole trade with fresh fish along the Pacific coast, and thus all sushi factories and retailers depended on her mercy;[29] which included – and so Joshua concluded immediately and correctly – also Sushi Rox on the campus of PCA. The conversation between Melinda and the vendor also clarified that not only fish, but also other supplies for the sushi shop were provided by her family, including certain Japanese candy.

More precisely, Miss Crenshaw distributed the candy to all sushi bars in Califiornia, and she forced the barmen to sell them; but why – and so Joshua wondered – were those sweets of such an outstanding importance and made Melinda visit customers so far away? Joshua appeared suspicious, and he used the next opportunity to call Eric Blonowitz in order to tell him to find someone scientist able to check the consistence of the Japanese candy.

The boys returned to the camp with the package of sushi, hoping that Eric could analyse the contents of the dubious sweets.

###  3:2. The Salvaged Messages

Eric Blonowitz and Wayne Gilbert had finally been able to restore the data saved on the partly damaged smart mobile telephone of Megan Parker.

Due to the absence of Wayne, his cousin Kelly Peckinpaw[30] from Pacific Bluff near San Diego entered the cinema of Miss Dubois in order to communicate the results of the restauration of the contents of the previously lost messages on the smart telephone of Megan Parker.

Unfortunately, the presence of that girl caused Joshua to fall into a case of paranoid madness – even more than Melinda had done occasionally. Kelly was hardly older than Megan, but she had beaten Joshua recently in the previously mentioned competition for young creative writers; which annoyed him almost to death. This sentiment was aggravated by the coincidence that, at the same time, Kelly had beaten Megan in the regionals for classic music – the girl with Polynesian roots played the violin very well, arguably better than Megan played the oboe; as a consequence, Megan has almost dissolved into a puddle of tears, and Drake had tried hard – and in an incompetent way – to comfort ber. As Drake and Joshua would understand later on, the taste of this defeat had been the very reason why Megan had started consuming Japanese candy in the first place.

But Kelly was worried about Megan; and so, with the help of Addison, she could persuade Drake and Joshua into listening to her explanation.

First, Kelly had to excuse herself for past actions of Wayne, as her cousin had admitted to having regularly sold devices to Megan which she used in order to pull pranks on Drake and Joshua – such as espionage technology; thereupon, the boys looked consternated, but they achieved forgiving Megan and Wayne.

Kelly finally provided Drae and Joshua with the salvaged mail; which revealed revealed that Megan was regularly provided by Wayne with that particular brand of Japanese candy – but only if she allowed him to touch her inappropriately, and if she avoided talking about it to her friends or kinsmen.

The messages contained cryptic hints concerning the time and location of the reunions of Megan and Corey; and, as a side effect, they revealed the family name of Corey. Wayne knew a particular pupil at PCA with the same family name, and he had researched whether this was a coincidence – which it was not. Corey was indeed a cousin of Chase Matthews, a boy with a shrub-like hairstyle who liked to write poems and drama.[31] Vincent and Ashley hated Chase particularly because the uncomely teenage boy had once denounced Vincent after the latter had cheated in an academic test, which had ultimately got the bully quarterback expelled from PCA.

Eric Blonowitz reported that the “Japanese candy”, whose consistence he had studied by means of genetic analysis,[32] contained no natural traditional Japanese ingredients at all; that the only natural constituent was a recently discovered very addictive extract from the pods of the puff pepper,[33] a rare plant belonging to the genre of capsicum, family of solanaceæ; and that it also contained some obnoxious and – at least with the tools available to Eric – unidentifiable synthetic acid.

Drake and Joshua, who had indeed heard of such a perilous spice, would not have assumed in any way that it could be a constituent of any candy; but they understood that it was necessary to get Megan treated as soon as possible – both for her wounds and her intoxication.

Unable to make sense of the synthetic ingredients, Eric had forwarded the request to Wayne Gilbert; the latter, who was able to determine some obnoxious side effect of said acid (which assumably served as a ferment for the puff pepper extract), imagined that his class comrade Quinn Pensky,[34] a mad scientist studying at PCA, was involved in some way; that conclusion was based on his observation that the genius girl mixed many potions and even cultivated microbes, but without ever telling the truth about them. But Kelly dissuaded him from forwarding premature conclusions before doing the necessary research of the background; alas, she felt too inexperienced to do all that, and so she asked her idol, a certain Mr. Monroe, whom she knew only as “Shadow Wolf”.[35] Actually, Monroe was a teacher for life science at some school in Santa Clarita near Los Angeles; but he was also responsible for its school newspaper and had researched a local scandal. But neither did Kelly know the details, nor did her audience really want to know about them.

The only thing Drake could do, until they found Megan, was that of asking family medic Dr. Glazer,[36] to get an antidote for the bitter poison.

###  3:3. The Insane Contest

Stacey Dillsen, from Swampscott in Massachusetts, had arrived in San Diego for the purpose of reconstructiong the treehouse of Robert Carmichael. Drake and Joshua had been bribed into fetching her from the airport, which was almost disastrous because of some qualities of Stacey that scared Drake into the next millennium. The girl from New England talked, with a penetrant lisp, about her future plans which involved marrying Drake – almost as Melissa Lavender had done before; in addition, she was carrying a model of the treehouse to be constructed, and this sculpture was made of cotton swabs, strings, and white glue. Stacey was an adorer of the neogothic style of Catalan master architect Antoni Gaudí, her great example to live up to.

Arriving at the frontyard of their residence, angry Drake kicked the cotton swab model across the street, where it was flattened brutally by a bypassing vehicle; in addition, the rockstar made jokes about the lisp of the future architect; which caused Stacey to burst into millions of tears.

Joshua, who had often been tired of the ways in which Drake had made fun of him for his big head and his clumsy hands, sympathised with Stacey and helped her patiently to rebuild the model; additionally, he deemed her cotton swab arts very interesting – as opposed to her school comrades, and definitely as opposed to Drake; thereupon, the two of them hugged warmly.

Growing more and more impatient because the whole action delayed the reconstruction of the treehouse, Robert used the passing hours in order to contact Kelly, who wanted to visit the construction site in order to present the results of the research performed by herself and “Shadow Wolf”.

The smart girl arrived half an hour later and communiucated the news, when Stacey and Joshua had rebuilt the model which she needed for the reconstruction of the treehouse.

The report said that both Melinda Crenshaw and Quinn Pensky were mad scientists who had sworn to be the first woman to dominate the world by means of their respective intellectual ability; that they had started observing and distrusting each other since early middle school; that their main project was the development of a drug that enabled them to take control over life and death of all living beings; that Melinda had gone as far as enrolling, after being expelled from the school of Drake and Josh, at PCA in norder to sabotage the attempts of Quinn to create a new fruit whose juice would serve her research;[37] that, while at PCA, she had also tried to tantalise Zoë Brooks,[38] the ringleader of the fangirls of Drake Parker at PCA who had previously organised one of his first public concerts; that Quinn, on the other hand, had invented dangerous substances such as some somniferous essential oil,[39] a power drink,[40] and a hallucinogen based on some cactus extract;[41]; that, as a consequence, one superpower formula was followed by yet another, with unspeakable perils and side effects; and that both mad scientists tried several ways to test their secret productions on the unwary population, such as disguising the power pills as Japanese candy.

Drake and Josh were now totally consternated and needed to strike against Corey on site. Josh even collapsed in the arms of Stacey because he had not anticipated – unlike Drake – that his former girlfriend could have gone that far. It was not easy for him to digest the fact that he could have tried to stop her but had refrained from even trying to second-guess her dubious motivation.

###  3:4. The Confrontation With Corey

Guided by the hints from the salvaged messages (who had been decrypted by Eric and Wayne), it was not hard for Drake and Joshua to find the location of the regular abusive reunions of Megan and Corey.

As a further backup, Helen Ophelia, whose ancestors had been Haïtian slave rebels practising the cult of voodoo, had cursed a little cotton sculpture of Corey Matthews, made by Miss Dillsen, and was about perforating the same repeatedly with needles.

With some delay, Addison, Melissa, and Ashley secretly followed Drake and Josh – the latter even against the advice of her brother.

Megan was apparently reluctant to tolerate the brute embrace of Corey; but she had to give in because she needed the security of another dose of “Japanese” candy, and because Corey would otherwiuse have struck her again; both of them were surprised when they saw Drake and Joshua enter the abandoned factory hall.

Corey yelled that the boys were seeking for pain, and that they should feel the tribulation they begged for; encouraged by their last encounter, he saw no reason to assume that he could not chop them easily into oblivion, especially in the absence of Helen and Steve. And, worse than that, megan even cheered for him and was willing to protect him, although she never loved Corey and was only mistreated by hin – such is how much she was addicted to the perilous sweets. Drake and Josh were still not able to harm their opponent, but they had grown agile and cautious, causing Corey to run tired; nevertheless, Megan still stood between them and her abuser.

Addison, Ashley, and Melissa arrived in that moment and started talking some sense into Megan; this involved especially some information about Kelly, whom they described as a quite nice girl and not an enemy trying to destroy Megan. They also emphasised that the oboe performance of Megan was excellent, and that she should refrain from destroying herself for some fake safety she found in those drugs, disguised as “Japanese” candy. Likewise, her friends told Megan about the connection existing between Corey Matthews and mad scientist Melinda Crenshaw.

Megan gave in and followed the advice of her friends, leaving an already tired Corey exposed to the furious attacks of Drake and Joshua.

But now Ashley intervened and told Drake to refrain from sinking down to the level of Corey and others. She recalled how Vincent had been expelled from PCA because of his acts of revenge upon Chase Matthews, and she did not want Drake to get into trouble. This way, the kinsmen of Megan just left an exhausted and embarrassed Corey behind, punishing him with deprecation. 

Megan thanked Drake and Joshua, but she also revealed a secret kept for several years: The lyrics of his songs had been mostly written by Addison, while Melissa Lavender had learned to compose rock tunes in order to impress Drake. Megan had infiltrated the brain of her brother with both tune and lyrics whenever he lingered on the brink between sleep and wake, making him thus believe that the songs had been his own products. This revelation was too much for Drake, but Joshua helped him to their automobile.

Just before exiting the hall,Megan and Melissa perceived noises, hid in a corner, and watched what was going on. So they spotted Samantha Puckett,[42] approaching dizzy Corey and treating him like a real girlfriend would. After calling Megan all sorts of insulting names, they talked about many other girls whom they were about to abuse in a similar manner.

Samantha was an old acquaintance of Megan from a summer camp when she was eight years old. Melissa, who also remembered the former (as “Trisha Kirby”), reported thereupon that aforementioned Chase Matthews had once used Samantha in order to make Zoë Brooks jealous, but never paid the agreed fee; that Samantha had been later on – i.e. upon the request of Miss Brooks – expelled from PCA and taken again to a nearby prison school, Ridgeway.[43]

Megan was particularly disgusted because she had theretofore trusted and even liked Samantha. In a recent dream, she had seen herself and Samantha as perpetually best friends. The thought of having misjudged both Samanatha and Corey made her vomit on side; but Drake was finally ready to take his sister to Glazer, who would perform the necessary medical examination and treatment of the injuries and the consequences of the continued consumption of bitter poison disguised as delicious snacks.

Drake, Joshua, and Megan would learn soon thereafter, due to the subsequent research of Mr. Monroe, that Samantha and Corey had escaped together from prison school and abused outrageously unwary Chase, who sensed no reason to distrust his cousin, shamelessly for their purposes. The rude girl had apprehended that Megan had helped the police of Los Angeles to capture the father of the former, and ever since exacted revenge – with the assistance of fellow fugitive Corey. Kelly and Mr. Monroe would take care of finding and rescuing any other victims of the two teenage criminals. By the way, the father of Samantha was no other than Milo McCreery, the head of a criminal gang that had caused Drake and Josh lots of troubles during the first visit of the two of them to Los Angeles.[44]

Miss Peckingpaw would be consternated, just like Megan, upon apprehending that Samantha, whom she had hitherto considered an old friend,[45] was such a deliberatly mean girl, although she was aware of past troubles of Miss Puckett with the police due to the criminal tradition of her family.

##  4. Conclusion

Wayne Gilbert tried hard to find a way to convince both Melinda Crenshaw and Quinn Pensky to stop their insane run for a unique superpower potion; he knew that neither Quinn nor Melinda would have started the absurd race if they had not been incited – or even forced – by Blix,[46] the softdrink giant which was interested in selling a new superpower potion. Unfortunately, Wayne did not yet know that he was used equally by Pear Electronics – and I leave it up to my readers to imagine how, if at all, all this would happen.

During the bootcamp for weather reporters, Audrey and Walter had to fight permanently over that fact that the latter still lacked the ability to compete with his main nemesis, Bruce Windchill.[47] In addition, Walter was “awarded” the lead medal for the worst weather report of the year – because of his failure to predict a recent deluge in San Diego.[48] Disappointed by the mess whom she had to call her husband, Audrey decided to separate from the latter and to become a Catholic nun; thereupon, Walter Nichols would move in with Bruce Windchill – as they had planned already back in their old days of college.

Drake and Joshua made the decision to start anew in the county of Los Angeles, taking over official responsibility for Megan and sending her to PCA to study with some of her best friends. In addition, Joshua would accept a job as a dormitory adviser at the same boarding school – and thus stay closer to his beloved Stacy Dillsen; while Drake was hired to conduct the rock band of the educational institution, so he would be able to see more girls of his favourite category, especially Latino actress Dolores Martinez,[49] with whom he would get along particularly well.

In addition, Megan would soon reconcile with Nevel Amadeus Papperman,[50] a former young solo pianist and recorder player from her orchestral practice group, whom she had started hating for no reason back when she still believed Samantha to be a trustworthy person; the two of them would perform many miraculous concerts side by side, teaching the power of music to the children of the world.

Exiting the old residence in San Diego, Drake followed an advice to avoid looking back. In this moment, the whole house, which had hitherto offered him and Joshua some hypocritical safety yet little liberty, crashed behind him and burst clamorously into smithereens, wiping out any trace of a wretched past – including the refuse bin which used to stand next to the house. The young people understood this as a sign of the gods, causing them to move on like a butterfly on a blossoming spring meadow.

The neogothic treehouse of Robert Carmichael, however, would still stand, like a lighthouse shining in the dark, and emit a warning against the evils of a decadent contemporary society that had held Drake, Joshua, and Megan ball and chain for several years straight.

Alas, Hollywood, Northridge, and PCA were also full of troubles; but I need to leave it up to you, my patient readers, to imagine the future destiny of Drake, Josh, and Megan..

Finito!

  


* * *

[1] 

Corey and these events are featured in _Drake & Josh_: _Megan's First Kiss_.

The family name has been chosen because this story states the identification of Corey with the anonymous unportrayed karate-savvy cousin of Chase Matthews from _Zoey 101_ , whom he mentions in _The Great Vince Blake_.

[2] 

Helen and the cinema are recurring throughout _Drake & Josh_

[3] 

This is “Crazy Steve”, recurring in _Drake & Josh_.

The family name is chosen to make him a relative of Newt van der Rohe, sidekick character of _Bella And The Bulldogs_ , which is inspired by the relationship of the characters of the same actors in _Wendell And Vinnie_.

[4] 

This refers to the events of _Hug Me, Brotha!_.

[5] 

This refers to the events of _First Crush_.

[6] 

Eric is a recurring character from _Drake & Josh_, and the knockout occurs in _The Punch_

[7] 

Walter and Audrey are recurring characters in _Drake & Josh_.

[8] 

Northridge is mentioned occasionally throughout _Victorious_.

[9] 

This disaster is featured in _Megan's New Teacher_.

[10] 

This project is alluded to in _Drake & Josh Go Hollywood_.

[11] 

This is Mindy, recurring in _Drake & Josh_, but she is also identified with an arrearance of the same actress in _Zoey 101_ : _Backpack_.

[12] 

Robbie Carmichael has cameo appearances in _Treehouse_ and _Josh Is Done_ ; and he is here identified with “Scooter”, a cameo character of _Zoey 101_ : _Favor Chain_.

[13] 

This school is featured throughout _Zoey 101_.

[14] 

This identifies Drake Parker with Drake Bell, a guest in _Zoey 101_ : _Spring Fling_.

[15] 

Stacey Dillsen is recurring in _Zoey 101_ , season three and four.

[16] 

Gavin is recurring in _Drake & Josh_, and he is, in a weird way, identified here with the puppet “Rex Powers” which is recurring in _Victorious_.

[17] 

Ashley Blake is featured in _Little Diva_.

[18] 

This is cameo character Addie ( _Honor Council_ ), identified with Addie Singer, main character of _Unfabulous_.

[19] 

This is Wendy, guest in _Number One Fan_ ; part of her character is borrowed from part of the same actress in _Camp Rock_ , a production by Disney; she is identified with the unportrayed “Wendy” mentioned in _Zoey 101_ : _Lola Likes Chase_.

[20] 

This device is introduced in _Zoey 101_ : _Spring Breakup_.

[21] 

Wayne Gilbert, alias “Fire Wire”, appears occasionally in _Zoey 101_.

[22] 

This is Vince Blake who appears in several episodes of _Zoey 101_ ; the kinship with Ashley, however, is not canonical.

[23] 

Joshua serves that team in _Football_.

[24] 

Kazu and Sushi Rox appear repeatedly in _Zoey 101_.

[25] 

Coach Keller appears in _Zoey 101_ : _People Auction_ , along with his son Kenneth Keller.

[26] 

The past as a scout is suggested in _Number One Fan_.

[27] 

This job is featured in _I Love Sushi_.

[28] 

This is the title of a song by Reggae-champion Robert Marley.

[29] 

Cf. _Really Big Shrimp_ , where the father of Melinda Crenshaw is revealed as a big player in the fishing industry!

[30] 

Kelly is an important character of _Bucket And Skinner's Epic Adventures_.

[31] 

The dramatic skills of Chase, a regular of _Zoey 101_ , are featured in _The Play_ , whereas his poetic interests are exposed in _Time Capsule_.

[32] 

Eric admits to this interest in _Josh Runs Into Oprah_.

[33] 

Puff pepper is featured in _Peruvian Puff Pepper_

[34] 

Quinn is a sidekick character in _Zoey 101_.

[35] 

Mr. Monroe is a recurring character of _Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide_ , and he is scandal reporter Shadow Wolf in episode _School Newspaper_.

[36] 

Glazer has got cameo appearances in _The Bet_ et alibi.

[37] 

The suspension is understood to occupy the interval between _Honor Council_ and _Mindy Is Back_.

[38] 

This is the star of _Zoey 101_

[39] 

This is the coconut-flavoured essence displayed in _Zoey 101_ : _Little Beach Party_.

[40] 

The energy drink occurs in _Zoey 101_ : _Spring Breakup_.

[41] 

This happens in _Zoey 101_ : _The Great Vince Blake_.

[42] 

This is “Sam”, the sidekick character of _The iCarly Show_ , but also “Trisha Kirby”, a guest appearing in _Zoey 101_ : _Bad Girl_ and many other characters portrayed by the same actress throughout the world of Nickelodeon.

The first encounter of Megan alias Carly and Samantha is portrayed in an analepsis in _The iCarly Show_ : _iDon't Want To Fight_.

[43] 

The school is featured in _Zoey 101_ : _Disk Golf_. The name is identical to the regular school featured throughout _The iCarly Show_ , as the canon of that show is interpreted here as a nightmare of Megan who knew about Samantha and Ridgeway.

[44] 

This visit and the conflict with the criminal gang of McCreery is featured in _Drake & Josh Go Hollywood_.

[45] 

This identifies Kelly with the anonymous cameo part of the same actress in _The iCarly Show_ : _iGot A Lovesick Teacher_ , and Samantha with the parts of the same actress in _Bucket And Skinner's Epic Adventures_ : _Epic Breakup_ and _True Jackson VP_ : _Amanda Hires A Pink_.

The latter show is to be understood as a dream of Kelly.

[46] 

Products of Blix are mentioned throughout _Zoey 101_ and _The iCarly Show_.

[47] 

Bruce is mentioned occasionally throughout _Drake & Josh_.

[48] 

This deluge occurs in _The Storm_.

[49] 

This is “Lola” of _Zoey 101_.

[50] 

This is an occasional character in _The iCarly Show_.


End file.
